How often do you judge yourself in any given day?
If you’re anything like me, it’s more often than you realize.
Last Lent, I chose to give up judgment. Going in, I didn’t think I was a very judgmental person. But I figured it was a good thing to do anyway. “Even a little judgment goes a long way, and the world is a better place without it,” I said to myself smugly, (unaware that I was already judging those people I know who are always judging others.)
The challenge induced me to pay attention to all the different ways I judged. I was blown away by how often I really did judge other people, especially loved ones, and even more amazed by how often I judged myself!
Of course, judging in its principle form is neutral. You’ve just formed an opinion of something. “Judgment is a good thing, really,” I can hear you saying to yourself. “Without good judgment, people make poor decisions.” (I’m imagining a finger wagging lecture here.)
But (without going into the difference between judgment and discernment,) many times our opinions are toxic and mean, and they contribute to the toxicity of the world (even if we don’t mean for them to.)
We get a fix of self righteousness for judging others. And for a minute, it makes us feel better than them.
But what about what it’s doing to us after that first minute? What’s causing us to feel those feelings that come before we judge another anyway? Perhaps we feel hurt, or betrayed, insecure, disappointed, or vulnerable. After all, we’ve probably been judging ourselves all day.
According to research, all that negative self talk is the root of many of our other struggles.
“Self judgment leads to feelings of shame and unworthiness, and is the basis of many problems we experience with our relationships, careers, and creative endeavors.” –Clinical psychiatrist, Dr. Tara Brach
Hmmm. Self judgment could be the root cause of those areas where I’m still feeling stuck?
Here are a few questions to ask yourself …
- Have you done tons of personal growth work, yet still feel like you’re hitting a brick wall in an area (or two?)
- Are you tired of being single, but have trouble finding the trust you require in a relationship?
- Or are you married but your relationship isn’t giving you the strength and joy you need?
- Do you have an idea for the next phase of your life but feel afraid of letting go of the known to make that next leap into the unknown?
- Maybe you’ve been thinking about trying something new FOR FOREVER, but stay frozen in indecision, unable to be sure it is right for you.
- Do you want to feel supported, but struggle to ask for and accept help?
- Do you have good solid friendships and a full life, but still feel alone?
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
See, here’s the thing: all these negative thoughts running through your mind turn into beliefs when they’re repeated often enough. And beliefs are the hidden scripts that run our lives.
“Your beliefs are THE master commanders of your behavior and your results. Beliefs control our bodies and how we respond to crises, criticisms and opportunities. They tell us what to notice, what to focus on, what it means, and what to do about it. “ –Marie Forleo, entrepreneur, writer, philanthropist
And on top of that, beliefs beget behavior.
Which is a fancy alliterative way of saying that the script running through your mind all day long can keep you stuck …
OR you can choose to interrupt those negative patterns and replace them with a new soundtrack.
I found the detox process so valuable, I put together a 30-Day Challenge so I could offer it to you this year.
Join me in the month of March for a 30-Day Self Judgment Detox Challenge.
Get in for $27, for a limited time.
This challenge will guide you through:
- A six step detox process
- Four + practices to honor and release old wounds
- Meditations and creative practices for healing old stories
- Self forgiveness
- The principles of self-compassion
You will get:
- Bi-weekly emails with specific instruction
- Made for you matrixes and journal prompts to help you track your journey
- Encouragement and inspiration
- Optional Bonus: Personal check-ins from me via email or text
I’d love to hear from you … when are you at your most self-judgmental? What have you noticed about how you feel inside just before you snap a judgment about someone else? What practice(s) have you found most valuable to curb your natural judgmental tendencies? Do you –like I did– think of yourself as a mostly non-judgmental person?