Five Self Care Tips from My Dogs

My dogs have been troopers throughout this pandemic. Even when we had to make an emergency trip to the Oregon coast to take care of Justin’s boat after some homeless drug addicts broke in and started living on it. So I thought I’d share a few self care tips for you on living life authentically. Mick and Blue wanted to chime in.

1) Go with the Flow.

Blue and Mick on the Beach

Mick: Mama and Papa take us everywhere with them. Well, almost. We spend hours in the truck without them when they are on the boatBut then Mama comes to take us for a walk and we get to sniff everything! There are so many exciting sounds and smells. This is my first time being so far away from home and staying in a motel.

What could you adjust to allow yourself to go with the flow like Mick?

2) Take Lots of naps.

Mick: I’m lying beside Mama on the couch as she stares at that silly machine on her lap. I might as well take a nap. Blue is nearby. We nap in the truck when we’re waiting too. It’s pretty comfortable back there although I got my head stuck in the window while we were driving yesterday. I really wanted a nap after that!!

Let go of any fear and try to relax into a nap.

3) Accept Your New Reality Without Complaint.

Kristin: When Mick impaled himself on a stick, I didn’t even know it happened until I got out the hose to wash off the mud. When he got home from the vet, he shrieked in pain the first day, but by the next morning he’d adjusted to his new reality of pain and wanted to get back to life as usual.

So he did.

(He got his stitches out Friday and was given a clean bill of health by the vet, btw. He’s back to normal except his fur needs to grow back where they shaved it.)

How can you shift your attitude to adjust to this new reality?

4) Ask for Reassurance When You Need It.

Blue: I like traveling with mama and papa. I’ve been on trips all up and down the west coast. The best part is when mama finds fun new places for us to explore. But sometimes I get scared when I hear loud noises. Like that sound at the drive-through bank. I like that they give us treats, but I want to climb into mama’s lap when that noise starts. And any loud noise that sounds like gun shuts … or fire crackers … or the lawn mower backfiring … or driving over a grate in the road …  My mama always pets my head and tells me its going to be okay. I know it is, but it scares me anyway and its nice to get snuggles from my mama.

Who can you reach out to for reassurance when you need it?

5) Make Your Exercise Fun.

Blue: I LOVE going for walks on the beach. It’s my absolute favorite. The sand feels good under my feet and I love to chase birds and sniff along the shoreline. I also love it when Mick chases me and we both chase birds and get splashed by the waves. Sometimes Mick gets a little annoying when he tries to slow me down and barks and bites at me. Sometimes I instigate it so he gets in trouble and I can run along by myself again and sniff things. B

Even when I have to stay connected to my mama with that long cord, it’s still fun to sniff along the ground to see what interesting things have been there before me. I get so excited I drag mama along sometimes even though I know it makes her mad.

What can you do to make your exercise time more fun?

I hope you enjoyed these five self-care tips from my dogs.

Did you try any of them? Which was your favorite? Let me know in the comments.

How are you doing with all this?

How are you doing with all of this?

I can’t help laughing at some of the memes.

The toilet paper ones are my favorites:

These are my favorite memes so far

But I’m also watching this whole thing unfold with a growing level of concern. This is definitely one of those situations where we have to surrender what we can’t control, and take action on the things we can.

Every morning I wake up with a fire hose of ideas both around how I can be of service, and (truthfully,) how I can also earn a living in the midst of it all.

Both my partner and I are self-employed, so it’s not like we’ll be collecting unemployment or picking up a government check when this is over. My sister and her husband are local farmers, so they are also affected. Another brother owns a chiropractic business, which is pretty hands on. No patients = no money. My mom’s primary income is a rental cabin.

I’m sure at least some of you are also in this boat, and even if you will continue to get a paycheck, you probably have other concerns … about staying healthy, figuring out how you’ll handle your kids all day when they’re home, parents or grandparents or other loved ones who are in the “danger zone” … the list goes on.

As I said, I wake up every morning with a fire hose of ideas … but only so much time in my day to execute on them.

I’m putting together new programs focused specifically around this pandemic  –one offering a fun challenge to virtually combat the very real effects of loneliness as we are required to socially isolate, and another offering practical tips to move through the very real effects of stress and anxiety. More details coming soon! (Both mini-courses will be in the $27 price range, which I hope will be affordable to most. If these sound like exactly what you need, but you can’t afford $27, shoot me an e-mail or give me a call and we can work something out.)

One thing I can offer right now, is a link to piles of guided meditations designed to help calm your nervous system. These are my Transformation Tuesday recordings from prior years. I think you can access these even if you don’t use Facebook, but if not, I’ll try to put a few of them on my youtube channel soon. (I have limited bandwidth from my home office, so each takes a long time.)

I can also offer 1:1 coaching at  sliding-scale “Pay What You Will” pricing for those who may be experiencing anxiety or other pandemic related unwanted emotions. (Sliding scale starts at $75 & runs through my “normal” price of $225 for a 45 – 60 minute session.) To schedule a session, click here to be taken to my booking calendar.

Here are three simple tools I always use to handle an upsurge in stress:

  • Get outside. If you live in close quarters in a city, try to get to a park or wildland. Take a walk. Look for bulbs and buds, listen to birdsong, watch the clouds. Anything that takes your mind off your troubles for a little while and allows you to experience the emotions of wonder, awe, peace, contentment.
  • Breathe. Count in for the count of four. Hold it. Then out for the count of four. Do this three times, then drop your awareness to your heart. Continue to breathe. In. Hold. Out. Try to breathe a little gratitude or compassion or awe into your heart. (All my Transformation Tuesday meditations guide you through this process.)
  • Dance. Put on your favorite dancing music, and dance in your living room. (Btw, did you see this one of Kermit? I joked with my friend that I do this even without the wine. Shhh. I wasn’t really joking. (If you don’t have Facebook and can’t watch this, imagine Kermit the Frog dancing to Fleetwood Mac’s song “Dreams” and the caption says “when you’re on day 2 of your quarantine, but your 8th bottle of wine.)

I’ll be back in a few days with more love and details on the two programs.

Stay safe out there!

Much love,

Kristin

Look for the Silver Linings

It’s pretty nuts out there, isn’t it? I’m with you. Shaking my head. They are calling this the worst public health crisis of a century.

[And WHY are people hoarding toilet paper? I can see grabbing one of those Costco bundles, but …?]

Right now, as far as I know, all my loved ones are safe. But I know that’s not true of everyone, and quite a few people I know are immune challenged.

I’m not really sure HOW to respond … with prudence, certainly. And Grace. Kindness and Love, obviously.

The important thing is that we all work together to flatten the curve, though, so we don’t overwhelm our health system.

Cattening the Curve, Infographic credit Anne Marie Darling via Twitter

However, this pandemic also provides a few opportunities for us.

One of the potential benefits is an opening of precious time, a chance to take a collective pause. An opportunity to slow down, listen to the birds, take naps, and take care of a few things on your to-do list without the stress of all-the-things that have to be done in any given day..

What have YOU been saying you don’t have time for, for far too long?

Why not use this time to …

☑️Go for long walks in nature.
☑️ Read.
☑️ Draw.
☑️ Paint.
☑️ Write letters.
☑️ Sing.
☑️ Dance in your kitchen.
☑️ Rest.
☑️ Renew.
☑️ Take long hot baths.
☑️ Do sit-ups.
☑️ Organize.
☑️ Declutter.
☑️ Video chat with old friends.
☑️ Clean out the your closet.
☑️ Meditate.
☑️ Pet your dog.
☑️ Fist bump the children in your life. … or hug them if they’re your own.
☑️ Give your lover a massage.
☑️ Binge watch stand-up comedy.
☑️ Have leisurely dinners.
☑️ Nourish your body.
☑️ Drink wine.
☑️ Journal.
☑️ Reflect.
☑️ Learn something new.

☑️ Clear out your self judgments & release the old beliefs that aren’t serving you.😊

The world will probably be different after this.

That change can start with you.

Need help destressing?

This is the universe giving you time to step into the saying “be the change you wish to see” so you re-emerge renewed, refreshed, clear and ready to participate more fully in a better, simpler, more joyful world.

Use this precious time to connect to the truth of your deepest desires, make new discoveries, and grow into “being” the amazing women you are.

I’m also loving the poetry that is arising, and the beauty that is being shared.

Have you seen the Italians singing from their balconies?

Or this poem by Father Richard Hendrick?

Lockdown
Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.
– Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFMMarch 13th 2020

Where else have you seen beauty arising out of this time?

Drop me a line …

Much love,

Kristin

International Women’s Day

I just read an email from Michelle Obama, celebrating International Women’s Day. It starts out:  “When I was growing up, my parents made it very clear: I could do anything my brother could do, from playing sports to going to college. That was one of the greatest gifts my family gave to me—a belief that, as a girl, my voice and my talents mattered.”

I have to say, that wasn’t my experience when I was growing up. My parents loved me, no doubt about that. But my sister and I were the ones who educated THEM about what girls could do. They “matured nicely” (as my dad would’ve said) as we proved to them over and over that women could do things that weren’t as … accepted … when they were growing up. And my nieces are reaping the rewards today.

For example, we played sports, but my coach had to talk my parents into allowing me to play basketball as a freshman, because when I begged as a 7th grader –and again as an 8th grader– they thought it was “too rough a sport for their little girl.” (Our team made it to state when I was a sophomore, and I was scoring 30 points / game by the time I was a senior.)

We were expected to go to college, but the “reason” was so that we could meet an eligible man to marry. (Neither my sister nor I met our partners in college.)

As a woman who was raised Catholic, I was taught in subtle ways over and over that my voice and my talents weren’t as important as those of men.

[“But what about honoring Mary!” (That’s my mom’s voice in my head. –I love you mom … she’s a subscriber and a huge supporter of my work.) That’s one of the best parts about Catholicism over other Christian faiths in my opinion, but I’ll leave that whole topic for another day. Forget the president, my mom wanted to be Pope when she was little, and is a fiercely strong feminist role model in her own way, although she might not call herself that. She still water-skis at 80, for example. And the times we missed mass when I was a kid, she played the role of priest. When my niece, Lily, was in 7th grade and racing the 800 meter relay against a boy’s team, her voice was right with me yelling, “BEAT THAT BOY!” and almost crying in pride as Lily did.]

I’ve been thinking about this whole women empowerment thing particularly over the past week as I’ve been finalizing my self-judgment detox and writing about the inner scripts that hold us back from becoming the amazing women we are born to be.

Plus:

  • Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the presidential race, leaving us with two old white men to choose from. (No offense to Bernie and Joe, both are WAY better choices than the godawful mysogynist dude in the office today.) But wouldn’t it be nice to have a woman president? Wouldn’t it be nice to show our daughters / granddaughters / nieces that it can happen in our country in our lifetime?
  • I learned about the awful sticker some Canadian oil company created “as a joke” that depicted Greta Thunberg being forcibly raped. (!!)
  • read a statistic that said that 90% of the world still holds a sexist viewpoint (57% in the US!)
  • And read that the # of witches (mostly girl children) being burned in the world is on the rise.
  • And then there is the on-going devastation of the planet, Mother Earth
To Honor International Women’s Day, art by Kristin Halberg

Each of these topics bears more attention than I have time for this morning. And all of them bring me to tears.

As a woman dedicated to helping change the story of women and the planet, on this International Women’s Day my call to you is this:

I am extremely grateful to all the women who have come before us, and done some amazing things to pave the way. But WE need to be the change we wish to see, and we haven’t yet done enough.

We need YOU to step into your full potential and take a stand for women and the planet.

I believe we women are uniquely positioned to shape the world’s future through our influence on our family, our community, our workplace and beyond. For most of us, to do this to our full potential we need deep transformation in the areas of self-belief, relationships, wellness, and purpose.

I believe I was put here on Earth to hold space for the part of you that yearns to unite your desire to belong with your ache to be authentically you, and to help you define, own, express and be appreciated for the gifts you bring to the world. My goal is to help you find your OWN way back to the part of you that knows EXACTLY what to do, and to listen to that wise inner voice that I call your Wild & Wise Heart.

I’ve dedicated the past twenty years of my life to learning about deep transformation, and spent the past twelve guiding women on this journey to step into their potential.

What’s holding YOU back from becoming the influential woman you were born to be?

If it’s that inner script than runs your thoughts, it’s not too late to join my 30-Day Self-Judgment Detox Challenge.

It’s so important that we ditch these inner critical voices, so that we can step into the most capable empowered versions of ourselves.

So I decided to open up the Self-Judgment Detox challenge throughout the month of March.

I’ve got new cohorts starting every Sunday.

Join today!
$27 gets you in

“My friends, do not lose heart.  We were made for these times. … Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but in stretching out to mend the part of the world within our reach.  … Any small calm thing you do makes a difference, but the most calming and powerful action you can take is to stand up and show your soul.”

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

We need YOUR voice and YOUR heart and YOUR passion and YOUR most capable amazing self to STAND UP and SHOW YOUR SOUL.

XO

Much love,

Kristin

Why You Need to Challenge Your Self-Judgment Now

“If you want to clean a house, you have to see the dirt.”

Louise Hay

Have you ever noticed that it’s easier to see the dirt in other people’s houses (or establishments) than it is your own?

Photo of healthy foods with hearts invitation to join the Self Judgment Detox Challenge
Join the Self Judgment Detox Challenge Today!

In fact, when I’m super busy –like lately– I don’t even look around me much to notice the clutter, the dirt, and the dog hair. Well, I sorta do. But I can ignore it for awhile. Until I’m expecting company. Then I ask myself how in the world the house got INTO this shape to begin with and begin the mega cleaning process.

Our critical inner voice is a little like this … only we aren’t usually expecting company inside our heads. So it’s a little more like if what happened inside our head was the junk drawer … or that one closet that nobody EVER looks into. Our negative self talk is allowed to build up and build up and build up.

Around Valentine’s Day, I shared the story of my 4th grade crush, and its sad Valentine’s Day ending. Well, partially sad. Sherry, my best friend at the time, was amazing.

But have you ever heard of the negativity bias?

Essentially, it is a phenomenon whereby we humans are wired to not only NOTICE negative stimuli more frequently, but also to fixate on it. Fun, right?

What that means is we tend to:

  • Remember traumatic experiences more than good ones
  • Recall insults significantly more than praise
  • Think about negative things more frequently than positive ones (and let them run through our brains over and over and over again)
  • Respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones

I have thousands of examples of how Sherry was a good friend to me. But that boy was only in our school for a year or two. Why do I even remember him?

What negativity bias ALSO means is that these seemingly uneventful events –like not getting a valentine’s day card from your boy crush– get stored away in our brains. But not just as “some little thing that happened in the 4th grade.” Instead, we make MEANING out of these events …. And the meaning we make of something as a nine year old is NOT the same meaning we might make as an adult. At least logically.

The meanings we make are going to be different depending on our own life experiences. But some possible meanings a nine year old could make of that event are:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not lovable
  • I don’t matter
  • I’m not wanted
  • I’m worthless
  • I’m not important
  • And more … you get the idea.

Now I’m just using this experience as an example. To be honest, when I penned the piece, I wrote details into the story that I don’t actually remember. I DO remember feeling crappy though. And I’ve NEVER liked valentine’s day. More on that in a bit.

We ALL have stories like my 4th grade valentine’s day in our lives. Some of them seem like they could be trivial … as grown ups, we logically know that it’s not the end of the world to not get that valentine, or to be chosen last for the spelling bee or the sports team, or whatever. But as kids, we assign them meaning … AND THEN THAT MEANING INFLUENCES EVERY OTHER EVENT IN OUR LIVES.

What happens next is that the negativity bias can lead to the confirmation bias. This is “the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or strengthens one’s prior personal beliefs or hypotheses.*” (*Wikipedia)

So let’s take this same example again. From that day forward, some small part of me expected to be hurt on valentine’s day again. So what did I do the following year? I bet I didn’t risk giving a boy a super special valentine again. And even if I did, I probably put some defense mechanisms on so that I wouldn’t be AS hurt or disappointed. Do you see how this works?

One question I often get asked when I’m presenting at our local college is: “why do I have these random weird phobias … like public speaking for example.” My answer: it’s probably not random and weird at all. If you trace it back, you can probably find the source from your childhood. (And don’t even get me started about the fears we inherit!)

Over time, the meanings we made of something become beliefs. And then we start living our lives as if these beliefs were true. And then we get them confirmed, because we show up in a certain way, and etc. AND, more and more research shows that your BODY holds onto this stuff, not just your mind (which is why it’s so hard to get rid of these things.)

No wonder we need to go in and detox our self-judgments every once in awhile!!

Are you in?

This Four-Step Self-Judgment Detox challenge will:

  • Help you identify the most common messages you receive from your critical voice
  • Teach you four + practices to honor and release old wounds from your emotions, mind and body
  • Provide guided meditations and creative exercises to heal old stories
  • Guide you in a practice of surrender and self forgiveness
  • Teach the six principles of self-compassion
  • Reconnect you with your Spirit Self (or what I call your Wild and Wise Heart)

Included:

  • Bi-weekly emails for four weeks, (approximate value, $50 / week)
  • Made for you matrixes and journal prompts to help you track your journey and ask yourself deep reflective questions; (value, $97)
  • Inspiration, Knowledge and Motivational check-ins; (value, $900)
  • Optional Bonus: Individual answers and encouragement from me via email or text; value $75 / week)
  • Deep life transformation and tools you can use forever, priceless

All this can be yours for $27, for a limited time.

Join Now!

Or visit my site at The Dream Hatchery.

Could Self Judgment Be Holding You Back from Success?

Research says yes.

I bet when you think of all the things that might be holding you back from attaining the life you desire –career, relationship, love, friendships, support, health, creativity, finances, etc.– you don’t automatically put self judgment at the top of your list.

Critical Reflections by Kristin Halberg

In fact, many high achieving people, perfectionists included, think that negative self talk is beneficial.

But the research shows a different story:

“The #1 barrier [to a willingness to learn how to release self judgment and learn] self-compassion is fear of being complacent and losing your edge. And all the research shows that’s not true. It’s just the opposite,” 

Dr. Kristin Neff, Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin

In fact, according to Dr. Neff, there are five myths about self-compassion that keep us stuck in the negative mindset loop.

  1. Self-compassion is a form of self pity. ➡️ The research shows that compassion and pity are actually near enemies. Pity is a form of separation, while compassion allows us to see ourselves and all of humanity as imperfect evolving beings.
  2. Self-compassion is a sign of weakness. ➡️ The research shows that self-compassion leads to higher levels of resilience, inner strength, and achievement.
  3. Self-compassion will lead to self-indulgence. ➡️ The research shows that replacing self-judgment with self-compassion is actually linked to healthier behaviors.
  4. Self-compassion is selfish. ➡️ Research shows that self-compassionate people have more concern for and are more caring and supportive and forgiving … and that this is reciprocated in their relationships.
  5. Self-compassion will undermine my motivation ➡️ The research shows that self-compassion is actually linked to higher motivation. Our personal standards remain high but we have less fear of failure and more grit and determination to succeed.

Let’s look at another researcher:

“Self-criticism can take a toll on our minds and bodies. It can lead to ruminative thoughts that interfere with our productivity, and it can impact our bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging.” 

–Dr. Richard Davidson, founder and director of the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison

Does that sound like something you want in your life?

Choose to interrupt those negative patterns and replace them with a new soundtrack.

Join me in the month of March for a 30-Day Self Judgment Detox Challenge.

$27 will get you in … but only for a limited time.

This challenge will guide you through:

  • A four step detox process
  • Four + practices to honor and release old wounds
  • Meditations and creative practices for healing old stories
  • Self forgiveness
  • The principles of self-compassion

You will get:

  • Bi-weekly emails with specific instruction to help you detox from your self-judgment loop
  • Made for you matrixes and journal prompts to help you track your journey
  • Encouragement and inspiration
  • Optional Bonus: Personal check-ins from me via email or text

Join Now!

Learn more.

Today is the International Day of Self Love

It’s Valentines week … how are you feeling?

Personally, I’ve always had a love / hate relationship with Valentine’s Day … here’s where it started:

When I was in the 4th grade, I had a huge crush on this new dark haired boy in my class named Daniel.

I’d like to tell you that it was because he was kind, or brilliant, or the best speller in the class. But honestly, it was just because he was new, and I thought he was cute. And maybe because he was shy, and that seemed sweet.

I kept my feelings hidden to anyone but myself and my best friend Sherry –who liked him too– for months. We both spent many a daydream sitting by him in class, hanging out with him at recess, and other acts of 4th grade love.

Finally, on Valentine’s Day, we decided to reveal our secret crushes.

I scrutinized my entire box of Valentine’s cards to find the perfect phrase — one that said “I really like you a LOT” but that could also pass for just an average valentine’s card in case I needed to save face.

Valentines cards circa 1970's
1970’s Valentine Card examples

Probably something like one of these:

Next, I spent days agonizing over whether or not to sign my name or to be anonymous.

In a big burst of courage, Sherry decided she was going to sign her name to her card, so I was encouraged to risk it too. And then just to be certain he knew it was a special card for a special person, I also added a handful of cut out hearts inside the envelope.

Crescent School 4th Grade www.thedreamhatchery.com
4th Grade Class Photo. I’m the one in the far back right side. Sherry is on the bottom, far right. Daniel is right next to her.

Man. I still remember the breathless anticipation of waiting for acknowledgement… in vain … inspecting each of the valentines I received … breathlessly anticipating one with his signature. … Nothing!

And then the masterfully orchestrated denial that fell into place …. First, I convinced myself he hadn’t given valentines to anyone.

And then, once I knew I’d been dissed after Sherry reluctantly showed me her card (with such grace and genuine sadness for me, and no gloating at all)  she suggested that his card to me must have fallen out and been accidentally thrown away by the janitor.

Because that’s the kind of friend she was.

My second major Valentine’s Day memory is from years later, when I was a junior in high school. I was the publicity manager of our student council, and that year we decided to sell carnations as a fund raiser.

By lunch time, it felt like everyone in the school had received a carnation –except me!

I was pretty forlorn and feeling sorry for myself, and my best friend Sherry had transferred to another school, so there was no one there to convince me my carnation had been dropped and accidentally thrown away by the janitor.

Just when I was ready to throw myself off the second floor balcony, the delivery person handed me a pink carnation –for friendship– from one of my guy friends.

I will never forget that small kindness.

Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Let’s pause for a moment to consider …

It’s wonderful to have amazing friends who will either help you concoct the perfect face saving excuse when you didn’t get that valentine from the boy you liked, or that interview … or that second date, or whatever.

Or one who will supply you with exactly the encouragement you need at exactly the right time … whether that comes in the form of a pink carnation or a beautifully selected card, or simply kind words on a rough day.

I wish those kinds of friendships for you. Always.

But …

Wouldn’t it also be amazing if you could always be that kind of friend … to YOURSELF?

Here’s a little quiz for you:

https://www.thedreamhatchery.com/self-judgment-detox.html
What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?
  1. Do you often call yourself names (like dummy or stupid or ugly or fat)?
  2. How often do you treat yourself with sarcasm?
  3. Do you criticize yourself frequently?
  4. Do you always say kind things to yourself when you look in the mirror?
  5. Do you isolate yourself when you’re feeling most down?
  6. When you’re having a bad day, do you obsess or fixate on everything that’s going wrong?
  7. How do you treat yourself when you’re going through pain?
  8. When you’re feeling inadequate about something, do you compare yourself to everyone else who seems to be better at it than you are?
  9. How do you treat the parts of yourself that you don’t like?
  10. When something painful happens, do you find yourself thinking about it over and over?

Based on your answers above, if YOU were your own best friend, would you even hang out with yourself?

For most women, the answer is no. And if someone was treating OUR best friend the way we treat ourselves, we’d tell them to end that friendship immediately. Right?

Even if not all of your answers to the questions were terrible, I bet there is still room for improvement, am I right?

So what can you do to practice being a better friend to yourself?

Join me in March for a 30-Day Self Judgment Detox.

This $27 mini-course will teach you:

https://www.thedreamhatchery.com/self-judgment-detox.html
Join the Self Judgment Detox Challenge and be a better friend to yourself.
  • A four step process to detox from self-judgment
  • Four + practices to honor and release old wounds
  • Meditations and creative practices for emancipating old stories
  • How to finally forgive yourself
  • Lessons in becoming a best friend to yourself

You will get:

  • Bi-weekly emails with specific instruction over 30 days
  • Made for you matrixes to help you track your journey
  • Encouragement and inspiration along the way

Interested? Know someone else who might be?

Sign up now by clicking this link.

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” –Brene’ Brown

I Quit

Did that grab your attention?

I read a book this week (written about five years ago) that said that we have a NINE SECOND attention span before we succumb to distraction. I bet it’s down to five now.

😂

(Ha ha. Are you still here? 

Fairy Godspider helps you change your story

Then, I read an article that pointed out that WE (you and me, all of us) have the power to create change, especially in our culture in our interactions with each other, with friends and family members, with power and authority, online and professionally, in our businesses and our platforms. We can interrupt the cultural norms we don’t consent to, and we can create new ones. This wasn’t new to me, as it’s been an evolving part of my manifesto for years, but I liked the way the article was worded.)

Have you ever thought of yourself as a culture shaper?

When I was first learning the HeartMath tools (ask me more) I took a year long program called Heart Mastery, which taught me how to apply the basic tools to all the aspects of my life in order to live a more Heart Centered life. In one of those classes, we talked about the power –and the value of– our ATTENTION.

I’m writing this just days before the Super Bowl, so it’s very relevant. Guess how much it costs to run a 30-second ad? I wish I could make you guess a couple times before I just tell you, but:  $5.6 million for a 30-second slot!! Crazy, isn’t it? That’s how much your attention is worth.

50 years of superbowl ad costs

Think of that the next time you’re deciding what to do with it.

It’s true that we place more value on the things we pay for … and WE certainly don’t value our own attention that much, do we? That’s why it’s so easy to get distracted from the Things We Really Want To Do.

So this year, I quit a few things:

  • I quit binging shows on Netflix … and prioritized my “to-do” list instead.
  • I quit my negative self – talk. (Or at least cut it waaaaay back … ) My new mantra is “everything is figuroutable” –thanks Marie*.)
  • I quit isolating myself … and prioritized my friendships and connections instead.
  • I quit ignoring my inner wisdom and depreciating my woo* … and had some major break throughs just this week.

It’s your turn:

What things are you ready to quit this year? What will you do with your time and attention instead? Let me know!

A Christmas Tale for You

Merry Christmas!

Yesterday afternoon, Justin and I went to Christmas Eve Mass with my mom, my sister, and her family. 

As is my practice since I was a kid, I zoned out during Father’s sermon. I have a special gift for this. Apparently, I’m so good at it that the priest generally thinks I’m paying rapt attention. (I know this because one of my favorite priests from my teen years told my parents he enjoyed giving his sermons when I was there because he could tell I paid avid attention. Ha ha. Not.) It’s my time during Mass when I allow my imagination to float away on its own. Who knows how many realms I’ve traveled during those sermons over the years.

Yesterday, I looked up at the mural of angels surrounding Mary, and began imagining myself into that scene, which reminded me of one of the spiritual practices I learned from Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. (See, I told you you’d be hearing more about this!) This practice is officially called Ignatian Contemplation. (You can learn more about Ignatian Spirituality here. Or under Resources in Harry Potter and the Sacred Text.) Vanessa and Casper (hosts of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text) tend to adapt the official practices a bit, which I love. In this practice, they invite you to enter the text through the eyes of any character you choose. 

I decided to imagine myself into the gospel reading — the one you all probably know, from Luke, that begins “In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken …” And then takes you through most of the characters and scenes you associate with the birth of Christ, from the angels in the sky to the shepherds in the fields, and into the stable with the animals, Mary, Jesus and Joseph. 

I decided to imagine myself into the story, first as a shepherd, then as Mary. Before I could imagine any other characters, the congregation chuckled at Father’s second joke, which I missed entirely. (I was disappointed, actually, because the first one was pretty good.) So I popped back into the real world.

But, the practice made me feel more present to and added back a new level of sacredness to the story of Christmas that surprised me. 

I thought as it was appropriate for Christmas, I would invite you to do the same, and give you a taste for yourself of one of the reasons I get so much out of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text.

Sacred Imagination Practice

Step One: Choose any character you like. You can even choose other well-known characters not mentioned specifically in the text, such as the Wise Men or the Little Drummer Boy … or even imagine that you time-traveled and found yourself there as an invisible spectator.

Step Two: Once you have selected the character you wish to imagine yourself into, close your eyes and listen to the text. (I’ve recorded it here for your convenience.) Imagine yourself into the scene using all of your senses and emotions. What do you smell, taste, touch, see, hear, feel?

Step Three: Listen to it once more with the same practice. You can either switch up your character, or go a little deeper into the first character’s perspective.

Step Four: (Optional) In a true gospel contemplation, you would finish by speaking person to person to Christ, saying what comes from your heart.

I’d love to know how this went for you. What character did you choose? Did this make the scripture come to life for you in a way it hadn’t before? Did it change the way you relate to this well-known story?

Hope your final days of 2019 are wonderful.

Much love,

Kristin

PS) Looking for a beautiful way to set intentions and create a plan for 2020? 

  • Purchase one of Danielle LaPorte’s books or planners and go for the deep dive, infusing your goals and intentions for the year with how you want to FEEL first and foremost. 
  • Listen to Marie Forleo’s Decade in Review exercises.
  • Or follow along as I guide you through a sensory meditation. (Use discount code MerryChristmas at checkout.

Happy Winter Solstice

Happy Solstice!

Perfect timing for me. I’m sooo ready to welcome in the light and relinquish the dark. 

Winter Solstice
Yuletide Greetings!

I was going to try to host one of my mini-retreats for you today, but as has been this year’s “normal,” that intention did not get off the ground in the way I’d hoped.

Speaking of this year’s “normal,” up until a month ago, if anyone asked me about my year this year, my answer was “it has been a hard year.” I would have said that my overall feelings this year were sad and depressed, and that my lesson was failure.

But then, (for the second year in a row for me) I started working through Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map process.* 

I started the process last month by answering the question, “what were the highlights of the past year?” In my head, before putting pen to page, I started with all the negatives … Josh’s death, nothing from my business got off the ground, I even found myself being cynical during the valedictorian speech at my oldest two nephews HS graduation(!!) which would ordinarily –any other year– fill me with hope in the future. My overall “corde desired feeling” words from The Desire Map process last year were supposed to be “vibrant, rooted, and blooming” and I did NOT feel the year went that way. 

In fact, most of the time I felt like a big fat failure … with an inability to fix ANY of it.

But … when I put all that negativity aside for the purpose of introspection, and answered the question with the emphasis on word # 2, “what WERE the highlights of 2019?” a whole new side to the year sprouted forth. I realized that, in fact, although I may not have felt vibrant or blooming, I rooted in a LOT. As part of my grieving process, I gave myself permission to feel sad and depressed. I gave myself permission to binge on fantasy Netflix and unabashedly enjoyed getting caught up on ALL the Marvel Comics series. (Not surprisingly, Jessica Jones with her cynical but save the world outlook was my overall fave.) 

With that as inspiration, I gave myself permission to be angry and even cynical. I gave myself permission to be unsuccessful in my work and –even more heretical –to not even bother to try after some more sad news in May rocked my world again. 

Because it was one of the few things that made me feel good, I also prioritized my extended family. I drove one niece to and from club volleyball practices every other week for several months (2 hours each way) and picked up another niece after school a few times. Justin and I worked on renovating my brother’s rental home all summer. I assuaged my disappointment that my backpacking pilgrimage didn’t sell well by backpacking the High Divide with some nieces and two other brothers. I went to my cousin’s daughter’s wedding.

The Desire Map process helped me discover that even though the year was hard, I grew through it. In fact, I rooted in. Strong and deep roots, of course, are important for a plant to be vibrant and blooming.  

Rooting …

And when (this Fall) I started to feel like taking action in my life again, I knocked off a whole list of things I had been “tolerating” … from painting the exterior of our house to cleaning some of the rooms that still had junk from past house occupants, even getting my teeth cleaned and scheduling that physical I was procrastinating on.  

And truthfully, I feel the difference. I feel more honest and true to my whole self. I feel more deeply connected to –and even tender toward– my shadow side. And as a result, I’m beginning to feel that old revolutionary spirit gather strength and courage in my root chakra.

And instead of blindly following instructions, doing it exactly the way it was explained, I found myself taking The Desire Map process deeper and eliminating pieces that didn’t work for me. In other words, making it my own.

Which means I’ve got my mojo back. ❤

And so, today, on Winter Solstice, the day filled with the powerful energy of regeneration, renewal, and self-reflection. The day we celebrate the Moon Goddess, I invite you to join me in introspection, not just of the past year, but of the past decade.

You can do this via purchasing one of Danielle LaPorte’s books or planners and going for the deep dive her way. Listening to Marie Forleo’s Decade in Review exercises.

Or, click here to participate in my winter solstice retreat from bygone days for FREE. You’ll be taken on a guided meditation, participate in a creative writing exercise, and welcome back the light. Use code wintersolstice2019 at checkout.

* [If you’ve never heard of The Desire Map, or Danielle LaPorte, she is a bestselling Canadian author, inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, and blogger. Her book, The Desire Map, was published in 2014. To be honest, when it first came out I was just annoyed that she beat me to it. By then I’d been working with clients on flip flopping their lives to align with their desired feelings for just over two years, and had seen some amazing results. It took me a few years before I finally decided to see what all the hype was about. 

As I worked through the process for the second time, I decided I love The Desire Map process so much I decided to become an affiliate. This means that if you click through using my link and decide to purchase any of her products, I get a commission. No extra cost to you, bonus for me. Bonus for both of us, actually, because you get a great planning process too. And if you organize in fits and starts, like me, there are several undated versions to choose from as well.

I still wish I’d written the book first, but oh well. Commissions are nice too, and we share a passion for beautiful things and living from our heart.] 

What I’m loving right now (that you will probably hear more about in 2020:)

  • Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast
  • Effy Wild Book of Days course. Can’t WAIT for the official start. I’m especially excited about the companion sweet trash journal. And maybe (if it doesn’t feel overwhelming) Moonshine.
  • And of course, although I have to seek these out because I don’t catch them elsewhere, the best Holiday Ads. Which one is your favorite?

Reply to let me know which ad was your favorite of if you already ARE a Harry Potter and the Sacred Text fan, or if you had a year you thought was sh*t only to discover the magick was underground the whole time.

Hope your holidays are delightful.

Much love,

Kristin